flying on the wind

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the type of person I want to be.

I went camping over Memorial Day weekend with some good friends and at some point, laying on the beach of a lake and laughing, I realized I envied my friends.

All of the people I was with shared one quality. They were people who made it a point to enjoy life, to make the most of everything. For some of them, it was chasing their careers and loving their job. Others, it was spending time with family.

How am I spending so much time worrying about why I’m not happy? Why wasn’t I just spending time being happy.

Seems like a silly realization, but it’s true.

I spend so many hours of the day worrying about work and if I’m happy. Or why I haven’t met enough people in Los Angeles, my new home. Or my aging parents. Or how i could lose one more pound.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve tried stopping. I stop worrying. I say, “I can’t control this and that is as good as it’s going to be.” I say no. I say yes when I want to say no. I’ve been working out and eating not to lost weight, but just to be better.

In a strange way, it’s working.

I’ve lost more weight than I have in a couple of months. I’ve had fewer nightmares about work. I’ve gone out a few times and met new people.

Sometimes, it’s about getting past yourself.

So now it’s about living my dreams. I just got this necklace. On one side is says “Love the life you live.” On the other, it says “Live the life you love.” I’m trying my best to embrace that.

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