forging metal from water {freewrite}

I’ve been telling myself “forge ahead” lately.

It’s my new refrain. Why? Because life is upending, and things rarely stay the same. There is a new crisis every week — personal professional private — something to strain my mental and physical resources.

So we forge ahead. We do the best we can until we hit a lull in the flood and then we breathe deep until it all starts over again.

It’s been an avalanche of upset and sadness and stress, mostly stress. Mostly things that are out of my control, but that I still care deeply about.

“My problem is that I give a shit.”

You’ll hear me say that a lot. Caring is rebellious in life. It is vulnerability to the aches and pains of disappointment in yourself and in others. It’s leaving yourself open. It’s all slammed me at once.

Trying to focus on the light at the end of this and what I do have to be grateful for, which is hard because I give a shit. My love of what I’m doing overshadows everything and becomes all consuming. Letting go is not an easy option. So if I can’t let go, I might as well push as hard as I can and see where it gets me. We’re our own salvation in the end anyway.

It could be worse, but it coud always be worse and it could always be better. It sometimes just is.