once, i was a nerd

I’ll keep it private for now, but the job search and such has led me to a lot more thinking about who I am and what i want to do.

Strangely, since this is the second time around, there are more epiphanies. You’d think I’d had enough of them last year, but I guess not.

As I visit different offices across town and meet new people at events, I’m starting to realize where I want to be and what I’ve learned about what makes me happy.

(This all sounds very narcissistic, but this is my personal blog and having one of these is pretty self-centered to begin with, no?)

When I was growing up, I loved science. Still do, in fact. I read Ebola and the Andromeda Strain and Outbreak. I loved tiny things that could kill. I also loved big things far away. I was an environmentalist from age 6, when I used to pick up trash from the creek behind my house. My mother was not pleased with my muddy self.

I loved writing and kept journals and journals full of poetry and thoughts. I blogged when OpenDiary was still in existence and before anyone even used the term blogging. Anyone remember that?

My life has been an open book for years. It only makes sense that i do what I do. If I had actually understood organic chemistry, I’d probably be writing about patients and lab results right now.

However, I’m not. I’m here and I’m very happy where I ended up.

I’m still a nerd. I still love technology. I still get tech toys as soon as I can and I’ll always be an early adopter. My love of science has morphed itself into a love of reading fantasy and sci-fi, but that can always change. I do have a friend going back to school for medicine.

I love what I do. I love my job, even though I haven’t found the right place for me yet. I had a emotional moment the other night, wondering if I had done something wrong. I’ve been laid off twice. Was it my fault at all? The Boy kindly reminded me I worked for companies that didn’t understand the Web, social media and blogging like I do. They didn’t want to continue spending money on it, when in reality, they should have been pouring more money into it.

I like saying that I want to be on the cutting edge. if you ever interview me or read any of my professional statements, cutting edge is usually something I allude to. It’s not me being false. It’s true. I enjoy learning, I’m an autodidact. Everything I do right now, I’ve learned myself with little aid from classrooms and homework assignments.

God, I want to change the world. I really do. My senior year of college, I got obsessed with leaving a legacy. I worked long and hard on two ideas for the student newspaper that didn’t end up being used. However, It was the things I did out of love, like my column and my solar car series, that ended up leaving a legacy. I won a national award for the solar car series.

How nerdy is that? I wrote a series about some geeks who drove around the country in a solar car. They didn’t even win. They didn’t even come close to winning. But they were people, with stories. I told those stories. I loved telling those stories and putting the project together.

Stuff like that, that’s what makes me happy. Doing something awesome that was fun. I can do it again. I just need to find somewhere that will let me do it.